Fade In

In those blue years
I lived among the pines.
I watched a man sink his face
into a flower patch.
I kissed my right hand
and buried my left.
Outside the snow
tumbled fat and wet.
I was sad when you arrived
hungover asking me out
for a drink.
You called me beautiful
and I could see
that you meant it.
I looked into the long nothing
of my day.
The river carried leaves
under us.
Another man’s panic undid me.
I waited for him to pause
so I could speak.
At the root of the mountain
I lost my glow.
Today’s weather reads smoke.
Friends ask questions
and I don’t know what to say.
I hold onto the body of a man
who doesn’t always know me.
Sometimes we are like children
who marvel 
at the stench 
our bodies can make.